The other night I watched the movie "Dallas Buyers Club" starring Matthew McConaughey. It is the story of Ron Woodruff, an electrician and rodeo cowboy, who learns he has HIV and that he probably has thirty days to live. He ends up taking matters into his own hands by researching his disease and gaining access to medication that ultimately allows him to live much longer than expected. Prior to his diagnosis, however, he spent all of his days drinking, smoking, and using drugs. Once he learns about his illness, he sets out to change his lifestyle, and his fate, and ultimately, the fate of others as well.
If you knew you only had one day left to live, or even thirty days, how would you spend it before leaving this world? Sometimes, an individual knows the number of days they have left to live, but more often, people have no idea when their last day will be their last. What would be your prioritites before you die, and what would you do about it? There is a song by Nickelback which includes the following lyrics: "If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last, leave old pictures in the past, donate every dime you had, if today was your last day? Would you call those friends you never see, reminisce old memories, would you forgive your enemies?" While some of you may not be Nickelback fans, I think these song lyrics speak to the importance of recognizing our priorities in life, before it is too late.
It has almost been a year since my mother passed away. This Mother's Day will be the first one without her. It will also be the day of her unveiling. If you're not familiar with that term, it is a religious tradition in which a ceremony is held when a grave is marked with a stone or monument, and it occurs within one year after the death. I continue to try to hold on to my mother (through memories of her, her wisdom, her words, etc.) while I also continue to try to let her go. When she passed away, it was completely unexpected. I don't think she had any idea it was going to be her last day. I don't know for sure, but I certainly had no idea. If I had known it would be the last time I would see her, of course I would have done things differently that day. Yet, I realize that I could not have known. I wonder if she had known, what would she have wanted to do that day? I feel very fortunate that my children and I got to spend her last day with her. She and my father lived out of town, and for me it was a blessing that by chance they were here visiting, and we were able to see her on her last day of life.
A little less than a year ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am cancer-free now, but that's the type of diagnosis that makes you ask yourself questions such as, what is important to me in my life? When you take away all of the bullshit, what really matters most? For me, my children are of the greatest importance. I live for them. I don't just mean they are my greatest reason for getting up every day, which they happen to be. I mean I live my life in order for them to have me to take care of them; to raise them, to comfort them, to help them on their journey to becoming adults. In addition to my kids, my other relationships, such as with family and friends, are also most important to me. People have all different things that are important to them. For me, it has always been connection with others that is a priority. Perhaps it is also why I went into the career that I did. As a clinical psychologist, I find it very rewarding to connect with others and help them to achieve their own goals in life.
We never know when we will take our last breath, or when our loved ones will either. We need to make the most of what is in front of us as it happens. As James Dean said, "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." In other words, don't wait until your last day to start living the life you want now. You never know when that last day will come. Tell the people in your life how much they mean to you. Go ahead, tell them now. Don't wait. Live your dreams today. Like the lyrics of the Nickelback song tell us, "Do whatever it takes 'cause you can't rewind a moment in this life." Once it's gone, it's gone. So, ask yourself this, if today was your last day, what would you do?
