Friday, June 22, 2018

BATTLING THE STORM

In recent weeks, the media has been inundated with stories of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, two beloved icons whose lives each came to an end by suicide.  Since then, I've had numerous clients tell me that their reactions were shock, disappointment, and fear.  Many have questioned that, if these two people who had fame, fortune, and success were suffering so much that they needed to end their lives, then how can that bode well for the rest of us? If these two people who seemed to have had it all could not get through their pain, then what is the likelihood that the average person can? It is important to realize that their deaths do not have to be a sign that things are hopeless.  Rather, it shows us that life can be hard, no matter what one's circumstances are, and that mental health challenges can be part of the reality of being a human being.  However, psychological difficulties do not have to lead to the end of a life.  Hopefully, if nothing else, these tragic events have opened up more discussion about mental health issues, and the resources available to people who are struggling with them.  With more openness and less stigma regarding depression and anxiety, more people can receive the help that they need, and precious lives can be saved.

Kate Spade, who died at age 55, was a successful handbag designer and a loving mother to her daughter.  Her husband had moved out ten months before her death, on a temporary break intended to help them work through resolving the problems in their marriage.  Articles that have been written about Kate Spade following her suicide have reported that she had a history of anxiety and depression.  Her friends were quoted saying that she probably never realized how loved she was or how much she touched the lives of other people.  That is a reminder that we should always make sure to tell the people in our lives how much they mean to us, because they may not realize how much they are valued.  Like Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain appeared to be living a successful and rewarding life.  He died of suicide at age 61, within days of Kate Spade's death.  He had traveled all over the world, inspiring people from all walks of life. He was an executive chef, a talented writer, and television celebrity.  However, despite his success, it is reported that he struggled with depression, and formerly struggled with drug addiction. He had an 11 year old daughter, a girlfriend, and a previous wife from whom he was separated.

It appears that for the most part, both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain lived a life surrounded by friends and loved ones.  They seemed to have had the kind of lives that many people envy.  However, they were struggling with inner turmoil, which they seemed to have kept fairly private matters.  It should be noted that there is no shame in opening up about one's struggles. There should be no stigma associated with mental health problems such as depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, etc.  By opening up to others about these challenges, it can bring much needed hope and support.  For example, last night, my twelve year old son and I attended the Imagine Dragons concert.  Not only was it an amazing show, but the lead vocalist Dan Reynolds took the opportunity to talk to the audience about his own battle with depression. He spoke about this prior to performing the hit song "Demons".  I commend him for his goal of encouraging people to seek mental health services if they are struggling, and for being open about his own experiences.  Reynolds talked about the stigma of mental health problems in society and how it is hurting us, especially our youth.  He stated that there is nothing shameful about having depression or anxiety. He told the audience that he has a therapist, that he thinks everyone should have a therapist, and that needing help does not make someone weak or broken.  He reminded the audience several times that they are not broken, that life is always worth living, and that things do get better.

Some people struggle with chronic anxiety and depression, and others may only experience it once in awhile.  Either way, I think it can be useful to think about it as a storm. When we are in a depressed cloud, or an anxious cloud, as I often refer to it, we can't see what's beyond the storm.  The cloud takes over and colors our perception of everything around us.  We don't realize that tomorrow the sun may come out, and that the clouds might disappear.  Through therapy, and in some cases medication, it is possible to battle and overcome the clouds.  It is easy to get lost in the pain of a single moment, or even days or weeks of painful moments.  However, therapy can teach us how to better navigate life's painful times, manage negative moods, and provide us with coping strategies to diminish anxiety and stress. It can help us see that things can in fact get better, and that when the cloud lifts, one's world looks like a very different place.  Please don't allow yourself to get lost in the storm clouds of anxiety and depression. Reach out and ask for help.

The CDC reports that suicide in the U.S. has gone up by more than thirty percent between 1999 and 2016.  Anxiety and depression are the leading mental health problems with which people struggle, and both have been associated with a risk for suicide.  Similarly, things like substance abuse, social isolation, financial difficulties, and relationship issues are all factors that can impact someone's ability to cope.  If you struggle with anxiety or depression, please contact a professional who can help you learn strategies to fight back against the storm.  If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please text "home" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741, go to the website suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).