In my private practice, I often see clients who are struggling with feelings of loneliness and isolation. Many state that, if only they felt less lonely, they would be able to experience more in their life, and they would be happier. People feel lonely for different reasons. Some may experience loneliness because they are without a significant other, while it can seem like the rest of the world is coupled up. Some feel lonely because of a lack of friends and social support. Some feel lonely because they actually do have a partner, or a large social network, yet they still feel separate and alone, despite this social connectedness. Whatever the cause of one's loneliness, the irony of it is that we all feel lonely at one time or another. Loneliness, which makes us feel separate from others, is actually the emotion that unites us all together.
Like most people, I have known different kinds of loneliness. I've known the unique loneliness of temporarily living in a foreign country and having everyone I know thousands of miles away. I've known the more common loneliness of being in unhappy relationships. Being in a bad relationship can often make people feel more lonely than if they were actually alone. I've also known the loneliness of losing friendships, of not seeing my kids every day, and of battling medical issues without family or a significant other around. Most importantly, I have known that, regardless of these life challenges, the feelings of loneliness are temporary and changeable. We are all connected by the universal human experience of feeling lonely. It is ironic that, when you have times that you feel all alone, you are actually experiencing the same feelings shared by many others.
Loneliness and social isolation not only challenge our emotional well-being, but threaten our physical health as well. Research has found an association between loneliness and increased risk of mortality. This may be due to many factors. For example, social connection is associated with positive health behaviors, such as eating healthy, getting exercise, and receiving medical care. In contrast, loneliness can influence people to engage in behaviors that are not good for their health, such as smoking, drinking, drug use, and weight gain. Relationships can make people feel accepted and cared for, and thereby reduce the impact of stress, whereas loneliness can have direct negative effects on the immune system. There have been increased studies in recent years on the association between loneliness and health problems. These include conditions such as high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer's disease, depression, suicide, cancer, and obesity.
Today's world of technology and social media certainly plays a role in the issue of loneliness. There are several ways of thinking about this. We can view it as a remedy to social isolation, as it connects people all over the world. For example, if you are struggling in some way, there are websites and chat rooms to find support and feel less alone in facing challenges. If you are looking for friends or a date, there are apps to connect you to others looking for the same thing. However, social media can have its drawbacks. Social media tends to create an atmosphere of increased social comparison that might not occur to such an extent without the internet. We can see this to be true especially for teenagers. If you can see that all your peers are at a party without you, or that you're the only one who didn't find a date for the dance, or the only one who didn't make the basketball team, then social media can increase feelings of aloneness.
If you are feeling lonely or socially isolated, there are steps you can take to change this. Try volunteering for a cause you believe in, as helping others can bring a sense of community. Join a club or group where you can meet like-minded people and spend time doing activities you enjoy. Make a phone call to that longtime friend or family member whom you haven't spoken to in years. Even spending a few minutes talking to a stranger standing in line with you at the grocery store can make you both feel more connected to the social world. If loneliness becomes chronic for you, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. Speaking to a psychologist can help you identify negative thinking and behaviors that may impact your feelings of loneliness, as well as take steps to feel more connected and less alone.
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