HEAR ME ROAR: RESILIENCE AND SENSITIVITY

For over the past decade, music superstar Katy Perry has gained mainstream popularity and media attention for her albums. She has released many hits over the years, including the song "Roar" which topped the charts in the United States and Canada.  The song promotes female empowerment and speaking up to advocate for oneself. Perry has described the song as being related to her personal journey of finding inner strength and resilience.  The lyrics to the chorus include the following:

"I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter

Dancing through the fire 'cause I am a champion

And you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion 'cause I am a champion

And you're gonna hear me roar."

The song speaks about finding one's own voice and claiming one's own power.  Following its release, Perry hosted a benefit for a breast cancer organization called the Young Survival Coalition, where she performed the song. Since then, "Roar" has often been used as a symbol of fighting cancer, as well as facing other adversities in life. 

"Roar" was released in August 2013, which happens to be the same time that I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I have been cancer free ever since then, but over the years, I have had many people comment on my strength and resilience.  An ex-boyfriend of mine from many years ago had said on the day we met "You've had cancer, that must mean you're tough as nails." However, a few years later, he broke up with me and told me that I was not as strong as he assumed I would be.  Another ex-boyfriend told me throughout our relationship how much he admired my strength and resilience, and praised me for my optimism while conquering life's adversities. When our relationship ended, he told me that the breakup should not be difficult for me, since in his mind, it should be completely insignificant compared to things like cancer. While all of these comments were challenging to deal with at the time, they do shed light on the misperceptions surrounding the topics of strength, resilience, and sensitivity.  Resilience can be described as the ability to bounce back and thrive in the face of adversity.  Sensitivity is often referred to as a heightened awareness of one's own emotions along with empathy for others. Resilience and sensitivity are not mutually exclusive. (Apparently, those particular ex-boyfriends of mine did not see it that way). 

The clients that I see in my clinical psychology practice are the most resilient human beings I have ever encountered.  Each week, I am grateful that they are willing to share their struggles with me, as I admire  their strength and fortitude while assisting them in weathering life's storms.  As I help clients explore how to navigate their challenges, such as chronic illness, debilitating OCD and anxiety, and grief and loss, just to name a few, they often express feeling as though their sensitivity to emotional challenges makes them weak.  However, their sensitivity is a powerful tool rather than a hindrance.  Intuitive understanding of the world is resilience. Emotional intelligence is power. Empathy is strength.

In the television series "The Pitt" which takes place in a hospital emergency department at the fictional Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center, there are many moments where sensitivity and resilience intersect. For example, in one of the episodes, a young girl's drowning accident has a lasting emotional impact on Dr. Mel King, a second year resident. Dr. Langdon, a senior resident, says to Dr. King, "You're a sensitive person. This is a tough place for sensitive people. But we need you. Badly."  I agree with Dr. Langdon.  Sensitive people are a necessity in the world.  Yet, there are so many environments and situations in life which discourage sensitivity. However, the ability to be sensitive to others' needs as well as one's own provides the potential for improved communication, greater connection, and ultimately, increased life satisfaction. 

"Now I'm floating like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee, I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground"

Like the lyrics of "Roar" remind us, we can persevere despite life's challenges. We can be our own hero by being both sensitive and resilient, for ourselves and for others. 

AUTHENTICITY AND LANDSLIDES

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." This quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson speaks to upholding one's authenticity in a world full of pressure to conform. Staying true to your own values, beliefs, and goals is not an easy task, especially in today's stressful society.

When I think about authenticity, my 22 year old daughter comes to mind.  My daughter is an excellent example of an individual who does not let other people's opinions determine who she is or how she lives her life. She is my oldest child, and she will be graduating from college in a few weeks.  I admire her strength and confidence, and her willingness to assert herself in ways that allow her to be seen and heard.  Recently, I went to see one of her dance performances at college.  She had choreographed a dance to the song Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.  I was excited that she had chosen this piece of music, as I used to listen to the song constantly when I was studying abroad in college.  While it used to make me sad to listen to it, as it was a reminder of the challenges I was encountering at the time, it had also been oddly comforting as I navigated a foreign country as a young adult.  The song still moves me today.  It reflects on encountering the uncertainties and challenges of life, and developing the fortitude to navigate through one's fears and face one's adversities.    

"Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

While life is in constant motion, evolving from one obstacle to the next, we truly only have ourselves to count on.  We have to make choices that we can live with, no matter what our friends or family think we should do. Whether it be our career, our significant other, or even how we spend our free time, we must decide what is best for us. We must trust ourselves to make choices that allow us to look in the mirror and say, "No matter what happens, I'm proud of myself for living authentically."

 

"Well, I've been afraid of changing 

Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too."

As the song lyrics refer to the changing seasons of life, and the passage of time, I am reminded that like my daughter, I am also at a transitional point in life as well. My kids are both adults, free to live their lives as they see fit. Likewise, I am now faced with the freedom to make choices that I have not encountered previously.  Despite all of the uncertainty that the future holds, I am excited for my adult children and for myself to be at this point in life. I am certain that, as long as we each live authentically, we have within us the strength and determination to overcome any of life's landslides that may come our way.