Perhaps kindness is what makes me successful in my career. As a psychologist, I need to be able to empathize with another person’s feelings and perspectives. I believe that my clients feel understood and respected by me, which allows them to trust me to be able to help them with their struggles. However, in my personal life, it has often put me at a disadvantage. I have had countless friendships in which I have given more than I received, which eventually came to an end. I have had more than my share of romantic relationships in which I took second place to a slew of other priorities of my partner.
Yet, despite these negative experiences, I can’t help but believe that it is kindness that is the key to happiness. Think about it. If every time someone were to be kind to a person in need, the world could be a very different place. Potentially, things like bullying, suicide, and discrimination could on some level be diminished. If every time people reacted in kindness to those in need, our daily lives might be very different.
So, why is it that we can’t be kinder? What is the reason behind that? I believe it is selfishness. People tend to put their own needs before everyone else’s. If they don’t, they believe they will be at a disadvantage. Look at all the movies and television shows that are about competitiveness as a necessity for survival. Whether it be a reality tv dating show, or a reality show about human survival, it is competitiveness that decreases kindness. Why not be happy for others’ successes, while at the same time still striving for your own? Or better yet, help someone else to be successful! I don’t think people should be kind because they think it will benefit them, such as bringing good karma or recognition. I think we should be kind because that is exactly what the world needs!
There is nothing like becoming a parent to teach us about the need for kindness. I remember when my oldest child was a newborn. I started to believe that I was not my own person, as every waking moment was about making her comfortable, happy, and secure. Hours upon hours would be spent holding and soothing her, until her colic settled down and she was able to not rely on me for every single thing. To this day, I believe that my sensitivity to her needs (in other words, my kindness), is part of the reason she has turned into the amazing individual that she is today. Likewise, although my son didn’t have the same struggles as a newborn that my daughter did, I still had to put kindness first when he was born. I am certain this has had a positive impact on who he has become as well. (Now that they are a teenager and a pre-teen, I sometimes wonder where all my kindness/patience has gone, but that is for another blog entry some other time! ;)
Kindness does not make you weak. Kindness does not make you a pushover. Kindness does not make you undesirable. Kindness does, at times, put you in harm’s way, as there are many people who will try to take advantage of it. Nevertheless, kindness enriches your life by giving you the power to make a difference in someone else’s world. As the famous quote reads, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” I will never give up trying to be kind. I am fully aware that it has its potential drawbacks. However, I can only hope that the people in my life see and appreciate the kindness inside me. I can also hope that they will take their cues from me and work on doing the same.
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