The other day it occurred to me that I have not written a blog entry in several years. I was disappointed by this realization, as I used to love writing. I would get fulfillment from putting my thoughts on paper, rather than just keeping them stuck swirling around inside my head. I suppose the reason for not writing, as is true for much of life's plans, is that time passes so quickly that we never get around to achieving many of our goals. "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" is a famous quote that speaks to this idea. Today I decided it was time to remedy this situation. As I reflected on how much time has passed since my last blog entry, I realized that the topic of time needed to be an entry in and of itself.
Time. It is the one commodity that we can never get back. As both of my children are attending college this year, I am constantly reminded of how quickly time passes. My daughter is a senior and my son is a freshman. Having not just one, but both of my children away at school this year, is a sharp reminder of how the years go by in the blink of an eye. In my private practice as a psychologist I work with clients who are young adults through retirement age. There are so many milestones and transitions in life that highlight the importance of time. Many of my current clients are in the child rearing stages of life, and discussing parenting challenges with them is a stark reminder of both the joy and loss inherent in the passage of time.
Recently, a friend and I were talking about how exciting it is for our college aged children to have everything ahead of them. There are so many possibilities as a young adult, for career, for love, for adventure. In contrast, we discussed how we are at the stage of life now where all of the excitement of uncertainty has faded, and instead, we are left with the fear of uncertainty in its place. We no longer think we are invincible with a lifetime ahead of us. Rather, we realize how precious time is, and how we don't know when our journey will come to an end. Every day we learn of another loss of human life, for all kinds of reasons, and we know that eventually our time will run out as well. Being an empty nester is a reminder that while we are headed downhill towards the conclusion of life's adventures, our children are on the journey upwards, where all kinds of wonderful possibilities hopefully await them. In this awareness is the underlying understanding that seeing our children grow up means, in essence, that we are growing old.
Speaking of empty nest syndrome, hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes. Every day I am flooded with memories of my kids growing up. I reminisce about activities we did, trips we took, and events we celebrated. I have been a divorced parent the majority of their lives, and the challenges of co-parenting certainly took its toll. While my children don't remember these struggles in exactly the same way that I do, (as they were not privy to the whole picture as young children), these taxing moments are forever etched in my mind. Parenting is difficult, no matter what. Single parenting, for anyone, is even more difficult. Nevertheless, I would not take back a moment of parenting my children. It is the most challenging and yet most rewarding job that exists. If I could do it all over again I am sure I would do it better this time around, as wisdom comes from experience.
The other day I was in Target and I watched a mom and her toddler strolling the aisles as if they didn't have a care in the world. They were playing and being silly while looking at Halloweeen decorations. The child's laugh was so joyful and infectious that I could not help but smile to myself. There are days when I wish I could turn back time and do it all over again. Like the mother and toddler in the store, I miss the days when my kids thought I was the best thing that ever happened to them, and would hug me like they never wanted to let go. However, there is freedom and peace in seeing that my kids have grown up to be independent, kind, loving, responsible, contributing human beings in society. I'd like to think that I am, at least partially, responsible for that. I wouldn't change a moment of the past memories, even the difficult ones. They flood my mind like videos playing on repeat...memories of sleepless nights, colic, breastfeeding, birthday parties, playdates, bike rides, vacations, dance competitions, travel baseball tournaments, teenage angst, first loves, college applications, and more. When each of my children turned eighteen I thought, "We did it!" We made it through. We survived. And, even with the trials and tribulations that life brings, they thrived. If I could go back and soak up every moment of their childhood again I would. However, those days are gone, and in its place I am left with pride and joy watching my young adult children navigate their way through the world. It is hard to get older and see that the life ahead of you is much shorter than the life behind you. However, these days I get to turn the focus around a bit and ask myself, what do I want next for myself? How can I spend my time in the most meaningful ways possible? My children have their roots and their wings, and now it is my turn to thrive.
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