Every so often, something happens in life that makes you stop for a moment and reflect on the age old question: What is the Meaning of Life? Why are we here? What is our purpose? What should we be doing with our time? What difference can we make? Why do we at times suffer? Sometimes these thoughts occur to me during my work with clients in my psychology practice. Sometimes they come to me from my own life experiences.
Years ago, I read the influential book "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. It is the story of a psychiatrist who was imprisoned in concentration camps during World War II. He became aware of how his fellow prisoners could survive and grow despite their extreme physical and emotional suffering. He concluded that the most basic human motivation is the will to find meaning, and he developed a psychological theory based on this goal of finding meaning and purpose in one's life.
Ten years ago, when I became a mother, I think my purpose in life became clear. Through hell or high water, my ultimate goal became protecting my offspring. My purpose became raising my children to feel unconditionally loved, to teach them to appreciate what they have, to be compassionate to others, and to value what is important in life. My purpose has been to assist my children in becoming confident, competent, independent individuals. The other day I was watching my son while he was laughing at something on television. His big brown eyes sparkled, and he had that look of complete, innocent joy. I can't really think of any other purpose in my life as important as this one...raising my children to be able to smile, and laugh, and love life. But that is for me, and not for everyone. You don't need to have children to have meaning or purpose. I find meaning in other ways too. I feel fortunate that I am in a career in which I help people. I find that to be rewarding in so many ways. I am able to help others to navigate the obstacles they encounter in life, to become who they want to be, and to find meaning in their own lives. I also find value and meaning in taking on other roles as well, such as being a daughter, a sister, a friend, and when in a relationship, a partner.
I often wonder what meaning is to be found in the obstacles I have faced, and in those faced by my clients. We are all good people. We don't "deserve" for bad things to happen to us. Multiple religions suggest the idea that noone is given a burden that they cannot carry; no one person is given more than they can handle. There is the idea that if you are someone who has had to endure much hardship, it is because you are capable of doing so, and that there is a lesson to be learned from the experience. But what is the lesson? Why does it seem, especially lately, that so many people I know are struggling to handle terrible misfortunes? The unexpected death of a husband, wife, or child; a life threatening health condition; relationship loss; job loss, etc. Where is the meaning in all of this suffering? As Nietzsche said, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." Finding meaning and purpose in our struggles, and our lives, is the key to motivating us to push through and overcome the obstacles.
When my son has 103 fever; when my daughter is up at night vomiting; when I am the only one to comfort them; I see my purpose. When my previously suicidal client is living a fulfilling, happy life; when my anxious client is going to the grocery instead of hiding in her room avoiding life; I see my purpose. Through all the disappointment, sadness, loss, and pain of life experiences, I see meaning.
I do not know why we are all here on Earth, where we came from, or where we are going. But I do know something. The next time you are wondering where you should be, what you should be doing, or even why, remember, every person is unique. There is noone that can replace any of us. Everyone has their own meaning in life, their own special purpose. As Dr. Suess stated "Today you are You, that is Truer than True. There is noone alive that is Youer than You!"
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