LIFE LESSONS FROM TRAVEL BASEBALL

As my son's travel baseball season comes to an end, I can't help but reflect on what I have learned this year.  He has one more tournament left before our weekends will once again become our own. My son has been playing baseball for several years, and has been on a travel team for the past two seasons.  I have to admit, when he first started to play, I did not know much about the game.  Today, I know a lot more about baseball than I ever did before.  Yet, the most important things I have learned have not been about the game itself, but rather, lessons about life in general.  Here are some life lessons from baseball. 

1.  IN BASEBALL, AS IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP.  Every day.  Every inning.  Even when you don't feel like it.  Even when you have other things to do.  Even when you're injured. At one time or another, we've all had setbacks that have made it difficult to bring our A game, whether that be to work, to our loved ones, or even to ourselves.  Thats ok, but we still need to try. We owe it to our teammates, our co-workers, our children, and our significant others to be present.  Showing up and making an effort is a requirement.  Recently, there was a situation in which a player did not make it to the first day of one of our tournaments. (Ok, so he happened to be my kid.) Had it been my decision, I would have made sure he was there, but in this particular situation the circumstances were out of my control.  In any case, as a result, the next day my son was benched for the first inning, and placed last in the batting order.  I supported that decision, as the coaches felt he had to have some consequence for not showing up the day before.  In baseball, as in life, if you don't show up, you are less likely to succeed. (It also tends to piss off a lot of people who are relying on you.)  

2.  THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CONFLICT, ON THE FIELD AND IN LIFE.  IT'S HOW YOU            DEAL WITH IT THAT MATTERS. 

Coaches don't always agree, and sometimes they give conflicting advice to their players.  Similarly, parents don't always agree, and often parent their children differently.  In life, there will always be people who disagree and think that their way is the better way.  When this happens, you have choices. You can handle it with grace and dignity, or you can escalate the conflict. In baseball, there are often times when coaches, parents, and players all think the Ump has made a bad call.  I've seen parents and coaches lose their cool during these times.  Some yell, some curse, and some silently stew. There will always be different perspectives.  It's how we handle this that is most important.  While my son was at a baseball camp for a few days this summer, the baseball trainer gave him different advice than his own coach.  When he told me about it later that day, he was upset, because he felt he was doing exactly what he had been taught to do, but was being criticized for it.  After talking with him further, he began to realize the value of hearing contrasting opinions.  In the end, I encouraged him to respect the trainer's advice while he is at his camp, and if he still doesn't agree, then to discuss his concern with his own coach.  That way, he can better understand where each person is coming from and determine what his best course of action would be.   

3.  CONFIDENCE IS HALF THE BATTLE.  If you think you can, you very well might.  However, if you think you can't, you definitely won't.  Sports psychology has taught us the importance of positive thinking and visualizing success.  Confidence seems to be a trait that is an asset in many areas of life. Last season, my son was last in the batting lineup.  At some point early on, he began to lose his confidence.  He was last because his skills at that time were not good enough to be placed closer to the top of the lineup. This seemed to reinforce his lack of confidence, and consequently, his performance. This season, however, we worked with a trainer on hitting and pitching.  From his hard work, my son improved his skills, and his confidence, and he was moved up in the batting order. While he had to earn his right to become one of the first several batters, once he did, getting placed higher up in the order further increased his confidence, and improved his performance.  He went from feeling criticized about his skills last season, to feeling like others finally believed in him. Like they wanted him there.  Like he had earned his right to be there.  Have confidence that you will improve, and you are more likely to do so.  No matter how much criticism comes your way, never give up on yourself.  

4. SUPPORTING YOUR TEAMMATES IS A MUST.  I love when I overhear my son telling his teammates "good job" or "don't worry you'll get it next time" etc.  The support that he gives his buddies is priceless.  It is a necessary effort to make the whole team stay motivated.  Whether its a spouse, a friend, a co-worker, a coach, or a teammate, its important to feel like someone has your back.  Optimism, encouragement, and enthusiasm is essential to succeed in the game of life, and to help others do so as well.    

5.  EVERY INNING IS A CHANCE TO CHANGE THE OUTCOME. In life, or in baseball, the game is always changing.  Nothing is permanent.  Every day is another opportunity to live your best life. Every inning is another chance to get the homerun.  I've often heard one of the coaches say "Its a brand new ballgame boys," once the game gets tied up after we have been losing.  Every day, and every inning, is a new beginning. (Yes, I realize that rhymes.  It should make it easier for you all to remember this lesson!) 

6.  A BAD ATTITUDE AFFECTS EVERYONE.  At home, in the workplace, at school, or on the baseball field, one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch.  Enough said.  

   

7. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. 

We've all seen parents and coaches get riled up over something happening in the game. We've all seen players' frustration grow when something does not go the way they had hoped.   In baseball, and in life, when things don't go our way, we need to be able to let things roll off our back.  You tend to see this with pitchers a lot.  It seems helpful when their team reminds them to let it go, and to focus on the next pitch instead. (For more on that, see #4 above, Supporting Your Teammates Is A Must.)

8. AS BABE RUTH SAID, "YESTERDAY'S HOME RUNS DON'T WIN TODAY'S GAMES." Never stop giving it your all. You can't live off of yesterday's success.  Neither in baseball, nor in life. You have to keep working at it.  If it is important to you, then you will put in the effort.  If it's not, then this will show. In life, for example, relationships take consistent effort.  When you stop making the effort, the relationship suffers.  I used to be in a long term relationship with a boyfriend who would tell me that this was all the time he had to give me right now.  Yet, had I been more of a priority to him, he probably would have made more time for me to be part of his life.  People make time for what's important to them.  With the couples I counsel, I often see how lack of effort in relationships leads to conflict, disappointment, resentment, and often the end of a union.  You can't keep a relationship going solely off of past effort. Likewise, previous accomplishments in baseball don't win you today's championship game.   

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES...BUT MAKE SURE YOU SEE THEM FIRST

Today, as I sit here writing this blog entry, I can barely see past my computer screen.  I had cataract surgery in my right eye last week. My vision is currently 20/100 in this eye, until I am able to get eyeglasses made with my new prescription, at which time I will be able to see 20/20 again.  While it is currently very difficult for me to see, it is still a vast improvement from my uncorrected eyesight before the surgery. My uncorrected left eye, which will have cataract surgery this coming week, is now much different than my right eye.  Therefore, until both eyes are corrected, I am only able to see with one eye at a time.  This is because my nearsightedness has been so severe, that my brain can't reconcile the differences to allow me to use both eyes together.

People tend to take for granted the things that they don't have to work hard for, or that are given freely to them.  Eyesight tends to be one of these things.  I am fortunate that, since I was in elementary school, I have been able to wear eyeglasses or contact lenses to correct my nearsightedness and astigmatism.  It is easy to forget that these are luxuries not everyone is able to experience.  Having cataract surgery, and struggling to get through this past week and all of next week, is a simple reminder to me that something as precious as the gift of sight can be lost.  There are many people in the world who are completely blind, or who have the use of only one eye. I know friends, family, and acquaintances who have, or who have had, visual impairments.  Unless you are one of them, it is likely that you, like myself, have not given much thought to how precious sight truly can be, or what it might actually mean to lose it.  

We've all heard the saying "Stop and smell the roses."  I have always been a believer in doing so.  If you've read any of my other blog entries over the past four years, you will see that this is a common theme.  We need to be aware of, and appreciate, all of the positive things in life, no matter how big or how small.  So, in the weeks preceding my first cataract surgery, I spent a lot of time intentionally stopping to smell the roses...or rather, to see them.   I would literally stop to think about the positive visual moments I was able to have...seeing a smile on my children's faces, or a beautiful sunset, or the way the rain would fall on my window.  The thought of the possibility of losing my eyesight crossed my mind, and it was not a pleasant one.  Prior to my cataract surgery, I had received laser surgery on my retina to strengthen weak areas that could potentially lead to retinal detachment, and subsequent blindness. People keep asking me why, at age 44, I have cataracts.  Statistically speaking, it is not the norm. The honest answer is, I don't know why.  Nobody else seems to know either.  Maybe it is my extreme nearsightedness, maybe it is bad genes, maybe it is my cancer medication side effects.  Whatever the case may be, the reasons why are not as important to me as the wonderful fact that I can do something about them!

In a few days I will have my cataract removed in my left eye.  Even now, without being able to see clearly, the removal of my right cataract has allowed me to view the world differently.  I see colors brighter than before my cataract was removed.  The moment I became aware of that, I realized that I may have been seeing the world differently all along. Think about that. What if the reality you have always known, the way you've visually perceived the world around you, is incorrect? I'm talking about vision in this blog, but the idea can just as easily relate to almost anything. We've all had lightbulb moments where we realize in hindsight that something was different than it appeared to be.  To put it simply, whether its cataracts or life, we can't see clearly...until we can see clearly.

So, when the days become hectic, and the pressures of children, work, relationships, and life get overwhelming, please remember the following:  Always take time to stop and smell the roses.  Don't let life's precious moments pass you by unnoticed. The world is a beautiful place, as long as you are willing to "see" it!

TURNAROUND

It's been quite some time since my last blog entry.  I'm not exactly sure why, but I would guess that it's because life gets busy and time gets away from me.  Like Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."  Lately, I've been trying to do just that.  I've been trying to take in all the moments, especially those spent with my children.  Perhaps it's because of all the negative things I see happening around me, such as people my age dying and leaving their children too soon, or children leaving this earth way before their time.  Maybe it's all the depression and anxiety I see that debilitates my clients, and greatly decreases their quality of life.

In any case, I've noticed that recently, when I look at my children, I keep getting flashbacks of when they were little.  For example, while playing soccer and football with my son this weekend, I got images in my head of when he was just a baby, when I would rock him to sleep in the rocking chair. As he did chores with me around the house yesterday, I thought about what a helpful boy he has become, and how smart he is, and how loving he can be.  I remembered his easygoing nature as a baby and how much fun it was to take hime places and experience new things.  Recently, I've pictured him as an adult, with a job, and a wife and kids. It is strange to think that far in the future! After all, he is my youngest, and he is only nine years old. However, I am certain that it will feel like the blink of an eye when those days arrive.  I've also been experiencing the same thing with my twelve year old daughter.  When did she even get to be a pre-teen?! She, like her brother, amazes me all the time.  I am impressed with the way she handles academics, dance, and her social life.  She has such a good heart, and it shows in her actions.  She is my first-born, and I have memories of the challenges of parenting her as a baby.  She was a miserable baby, with terrible colic and frequent projectile vomiting.  It was not an easy journey. I felt very alone when she was a baby, as I was the only one who could calm her down, and really the only one with the patience to handle her screaming. However, in those infant and toddler months, we formed a special bond.  I believe to this day that my ability and willingness to be present to her needs helped her to become the well adjusted child she is today.  I feel so blessed to have the children that I do. I realize just how lucky I am.  While I will never get any of those precious early moments back, I like to reminisce about the joys (and challenges) of those early days with my kids, and I wouldn't change a single thing.

Sometimes, the memories of my kids are like a movie playing in my head.  It reminds me of that song which includes the lyrics, "Turn around and you're two, Turn around and you're four, Turn around and you're a young girl going out of the door....Turn around and you're tiny, Turn around and you're grown, Turn around and you're a young wife with babes of your own."  Time flies, and I don't want to miss a moment.  I think most people feel that way, if they actually stop and think about it.  However, perhaps my thoughts are somewhat different than others.  We each have unique experiences that determine how we see the world and our place in it.  While I had cancer a few years ago, and even though I was so lucky to have the situation that I did, (if cancer is ever easy!), it certainly made me see the world a little differently.  Moments are precious.  They are not to be wasted.  I knew this all along, but I realized it more over the past few years.  So, when my son is screaming about wanting to stay up later, or my daughter is yelling that she wants to sleep in, I try to remember how quickly time passes, and how someday these experiences I share with them will all be distant memories.  I want to hold on as long as I can.

This need to hold on to time, and the awareness that life is fragile,  doesn't just affect my feelings about my kids.  It affects everything.  For the people and things in my life that I feel fortunate to have, I am reminded to never take them for granted. I am aware of the importance of appreciating all of the people that are important to me, and letting them know it.  For the challenging and trying times I must go through, I am reminded that things will someday change, and the difficulties will pass.

So please, do me a favor...The next time your child is whining, or your spouse is getting on your nerves, or your best friend is complaining, remember how quickly life passes us by, and how no one knows what tomorrow brings.  Remember to soak up all of the moments, and bask in the joy of being with your loved ones.  Moments pass quickly, but memories last a lifetime.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED... AT THE GYM

There is a book of short essays by Robert Fulghum called "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten."  The first essay in the book has this same title, and it is about how the world would be a better place if adults adhered to the same rules that children learn in kindergarten classrooms.  I thought about this idea this morning while I was working out, and I realized that there are important lessons to be learned at the gym as well.

Let me start by saying that I don't do much exercise.  Working out has never been my thing.  When I was younger and my body could take the stress, I used to enjoy going running.  When I got older, I started going to yoga. Then I got breast cancer and had a difficult time continuing to practice.  Following that, I started walking outside when the weather was agreeable to it.  Now, over the past couple of weeks, I have begun running again, just like I did when I was in my teens and 20's.  I've recently joined a gym and I try to go a couple of times a week.  Let's just say, I am not the kind of girl who goes to the gym.  I don't have the proper workout clothes, I don't watch my diet or my weight, and frankly, I am not a fan of rooms full of sweaty people.  I would prefer a hike in the mountains or a walk along the beach any day.  However, recently I decided it was time  to focus on my physical well-being, and I found my way back to running.  I'm up to four miles now, and I'm looking forward to when spring comes and I can take my running outside.  I know for many people four miles might not be a lot, but for me, four miles is comparable to having run a marathon.  (Ok, not quite, but you get where I'm coming from, right?)  I'm pleased to say that the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I run is worth the effort.  Similarly, the opportunity to free my mind and body and push it in new ways is rewarding.  The following are ten simple life lessons which illustrate the notion that, all I really need to know I learned at the gym.

1.  A smile and a positive attitude go a long way.
   
Whether it's the gym employee that greets me on the way in, or the person using the machine next to me, a nice friendly smile or greeting can make the difference between a good day or a bad one.  Use this in your daily life to make a difference.  Whether it be at the workplace or in your home, a smile and a positive attitude impacts those around you.

2. Consideration for others is a necessity.

Wiping down the equipment after you've used it shows respect and consideration for your fellow gym members.  It's really no different than the kindness we show strangers when we hold open a door for them or offer that they go in front of us in line.  Do unto others as you would have done to you.  The gym is like its own little microcosm, where respect for others is a requirement for a well-functioning society.

3.  If you think you can, you will.  If you tell yourself you can't, you won't.

It's simple.  When I'm on the treadmill and I'm saying I 'm tired and I don't know if i can keep going, I   stop.  Yet, when I push myself to think about achieving my goal and how I am capable of doing it, I do it.  The same applies to anything in life.  Tell yourself all the positive reasons why you are going to succeed.  Imagine succeeding.  Don't start rattling off in your head the obstacles in front of you.  Instead, think of all the reasons you'll achieve your goal. Where there's a will there's a way.  Find it.

4.  Move to the beat of your own drum.

It doesn't matter if everyone else is listening to their iPods while you run with only the music that plays in your head.  It doesn't matter if the woman next to you is running six miles to your one mile.  Everyone is different.  You are only in competition with yourself.  At the gym, or in life, you only have to try to be better than the you that you were yesterday.

5. It's ok to ask for help when you need it.

My first day at the gym I had to stop and ask someone how to use the treadmill.  Seriously.  I wasn't sure how to keep it to its basic functions, with all the fancy buttons and programs available these days.  Likewise, if you run into a hurdle in life, theres no shame in asking for some support or guidance.

6.  There is a fine balance between social time and time for oneself.

Do you ever notice how some people go to workout with a friend, while others consistently do their  exercising alone? What about when you are working out and someone comes over and wants to chat? You'd like to be friendly, yet you're having a hard enough time breathing to be able to carry on a semi-intelligent conversation.  Make time for socializing and make time for yourself.  Both are necessary. Both are valuable.  And as far as I can tell, it's tough to simultaneously socialize and take time for yourself, and then fully reap the benefits of either.

7.  Mix it up.

Doing the same thing over and over again is boring, both at the gym and in life.  Add some variety to both, and you'll be a lot happier.

8.  No one else can do it for you.

Whether it's lifting weights and using the elliptical, or whether it's starting a new career or relationship, only you can make it happen.  So get out there and do it.

9.  When you think you can't take any more, you can.

When your muscles feel sore, or when you think you can't juggle anymore stress in life, know that you probably can go a little further.  Whatever life hands you, you are capable of getting through it. Take a deep breath, think about how to get through it, and forge ahead.  Don't give up.

10.  You get out of it what you put into it.

Time spent at the gym is like time spent living your life.  The more you put into it, the more you get out of it. If you're going to bother going to the gym at all, don't half-ass your workout.  It was hard enough to wake yourself up, put on workout clothes, and get there.  More importantly, don't half-ass your way through life.  You only live once.  It might feel like a quick sprint, or it might feel like a marathon.  No matter what, make every step count!

I'LL HAVE MY (BIRTHDAY) CAKE, AND EAT IT TOO!

This weekend I will be turning 42.  Unlike many people, I don't dread the idea of turning another year older.  I'm looking forward to celebrating my birthday this weekend, on Friday night with my boyfriend, on Saturday night with my friends, and on Sunday with my kids.  However, my social plans are not the reason I look forward to my birthday.

To me, turning another year older means I've accomplished something.  I've lived another year.  I've survived another year.  I've parented my kids for another year, dealt with all kinds of bullshit for another year, been there for my friends and my clients another year, and have beat cancer for another year.  Having a birthday doesn't mean I'm getting old and closer to the end of life.  It doesn't mean I'm slower than I was, or have more wrinkles or grey hair.  It means I've been successful in navigating the ups and downs of life for yet another year.  A birthday is not something that I fear, but rather something that I cherish, because quite simply, it means I've gotten to live another year.

One Republic released a song in 2013 called "I lived".  Below are some lyrics from the song:

"I...I did it all, I...I did it all,
I owned every second that this world could give.
I saw so many places, the things that I did.
Yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived.
Hope that you spend your days,
But they all add up.
And when that sun goes down,
Hope you raise your cup."

This song is a reminder to me that we should embrace and savor every moment that we experience, good or bad.  It is a reminder to appreciate all that life has to offer.  It emphasizes the idea of living your life to the fullest and not backing down or away from it, because at the end, it will have all been worth it.  I like to remind myself on every birthday just how much I have to be grateful for, and how much I have accomplished.

There is a quote by baseball player Satchel Paige that says,  "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"  This is a worthwhile question to consider.  I'm told I don't look 42.  I certainly don't feel 42.  I'm not quite sure how old I do feel.  I've lived a lot of life.  I've experienced a lot of things, some better than others.  I've had to face obstacles, yet I've known pure joy.  I am grateful that I have been able to experience the world in the way that I have.  I am even thankful for the hard times that have come along, because they have helped me to appreciate the good ones even more.  I don't know how old I would be if I didn't know how old I was...yet, I know that I am happy to be whatever age I am!

There's a saying that you can't have your cake and eat it too.  Some people feel that they can't be happy about a birthday because it means they are aging.  They can't have one without the other.  However, acknowledging my birthday as an accomplishment  rather than a disappointment, no matter how old I get, is my version of having my cake and eating it too (especially if it's a chocolate birthday cake!).  So, when your birthday comes along, blow out your candles with enthusiasm, reflect on all you have experienced, and then go ahead and have your cake, and eat it too!

THE SUPERHERO WITHIN

As a child, I was never really interested in superheroes.  My only participation with anything related to superheroes was my special handshake with my sister.  It came from The Wonder Twins from the show Super Friends.  The Wonder Twins were a brother and sister duo who were superheroes-in-training.  Their powers were activated when they touched each other and said "Wonder Twin power activate!"  My sister and I would alter this phrase to say "Sister power activate!" To this day, when something happens and we need to feel that bond, we remember those words from our childhood.   Now that I am an adult, the topic of superheroes is primarily relegated to conversations with my own children.  Last year for Halloween, my daughter dressed up as SuperGirl and I dressed as SuperMom. We made a good superhero team, and it was also a way for us to feel close and connected, just as my sister and I would always try to do.  

This past summer, a song was released by The Script entitled Superheroes.  Here are some of the lyrics from that song:

"When you've been fighting for it all your life,
You've been struggling to make things right.
That's how a superhero learns to fly,
Every day, every hour, turn the pain into power.

All the hurt, all the lies
All the tears that they cry.
When the moment is just right,
You'll see fire in their eyes.
Cause he's stronger than you know,
A heart of steel starts to grow."

These lyrics are a reminder of how overcoming obstacles leads to strength and empowerment.  I will gladly admit, I am not a superhero.  Although, in my daily life I sometimes feel I'm expected to be one.  I have obligations to my children, my family, my friends, and my clients.  Sometimes I wish I did have super powers to juggle it all effortlessly.  While I may not be able to fly, or be invisible, or have x-ray vision, I do try my best to face challenges head on, with courage and confidence, just like you would expect any superhero to do.  I am proud of my accomplishments.  Yet, I am human.  I am not perfect. At times I struggle, and at times I make mistakes.  I've been through many life challenges and I believe I have come out on the other side...stronger, wiser, and more appreciative of the life that I lead.

As a psychologist, I spend my days showing compassion and trying to provide guidance for the struggles that my clients face in their own lives.  I try to help them to be their own superhero in the story of their life.  A good example of how I view my clients comes from Christopher Reeve, who stated, "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."  So, when the road of life gets rocky, go ahead and find your inner superhero.  Stand tall and face the problem with whatever mortal powers you possess. You are stronger than you know.  While you're at it, go ahead and tell those you care about how proud you are of their strength and perseverance as well.  Like the Wonder Twins characters, we need to stick together and support each other to make the tough times easier.

"She's got lions in her heart, a fire in her soul,
He's got a beast in his belly that's so hard to control.
Cause they've taken too much hits, taking blow by blow.
Now light a match, stand back, and watch them explode."

 As the lyrics above suggest, the more adversity we face, the stronger our power within us becomes.  It's just a matter of finding the spark that ignites our inner superhero.  And then, watch out, because anything is possible!

A BRIDGE BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

A few nights ago, I went to see a well-known spiritual medium who was in town speaking to a large auditorium of people.  I have never been to see a medium before, and up until the past year, never really gave much thought to anything related to the spiritual world or what happens after death.  However, since my mother's passing a year ago, followed by my aunt's death soon after, I've thought more about these issues than I ever did previously. Therefore, when I heard the medium was coming into town I decided to see for myself what it was all about.

Besides being interested in this topic because of my own personal loss, I also have many clients that attend therapy because they are grieving.  Some of these clients are children and some are adults, but regardless of their age, they all have one thing in common.  Everyone seems to be looking for some sort of peace.  As I sat in the audience the other night at the event, I was moved by some of the stories of loss that I heard.  I was also impressed, and at times astonished, at how the medium was able to provide valuable information to the loved ones of the deceased. Her words not only gave clarity for the audience, but also seemed to provide much comfort to those to whom she transmitted spiritual messages.

After leaving the event, one thing that continued to stay on my mind is the idea of loved ones wanting to have some sort of closure, as well as the feelings of regret for not having had the opportunity to say their goodbyes.  If you've read earlier blog entries of mine, you may recall the one entitled "If Today Was Your Last Day", which addresses the issue of not knowing when our last day will come, or our loved ones' last day, and trying to make the most of life while we can.  For example. we should try to make sure that the people in our lives know their importance to us.  With this in mind,  I often make a point of telling my children that I love them every single day, and often multiple times a day.  Since I only have them with me fifty percent of the time, I always make sure that I speak to them on days I don't see them.  I have learned the hard way that you never know when it may be your last chance to tell someone how you feel or to say goodbye.  I have discussed this in other blog entries as well, but I believe it is always worth repeating.  If we live a life of true connection to others, then whenever the end of life comes, we will be ready to embrace it, and to let go.

As I sat in the auditorium and listened to everyone who wanted closure regarding their loss,  and wanted the comfort of knowing that their dearly departed were at peace,  I considered the message we all have been told in multiple ways throughout our lives.  As Emily Dickinson wrote, "Unable are the loved to die.  For love is immortality."  This, of course, leads me to the whole point of this blog entry. Our loved ones stay with us even after they are gone.  They are in our hearts, and on our minds, and therefore never too far away.  Whether or not you believe in their spirit being available to you, or whether you believe they simply live on in memory, the idea is still the same.  There exists a bridge between two worlds.  You and I, and all the other living people, are the bridge between life and those we have lost.  Don't forget those that have passed on.  Honor their memory in whatever way you see fit.  In addition, while you're still here on earth, don't wait to live the life you want.  Don't wait to let others know how you feel. Do it now.  Today is a gift, and tomorrow is not guaranteed.  Although it irks me to have to quote him, John Mayer said it well in the lyrics: "Say what you need to say. It's better to say too much, then never to say what you need to say again."  Even if you missed your chance to tell a loved one how you feel, and they are no longer alive, you can still let them know what's in your heart.  They might be listening after all.